hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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