your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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