mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
