fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
