I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
