I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
