There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
