i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
