Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
