I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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