Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
