i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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