I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
