did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
