Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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