i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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