I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
