Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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