I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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