My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize