I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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