Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
