GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
