I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
