hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
