My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
