what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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