I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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