After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
