I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
