***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
