I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
