She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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