Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
