...so i touched it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
