So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
