you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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