If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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