she woke up with a sticky ear
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
