we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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