does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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