I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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