I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
