when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want to make out with him forever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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