I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
