I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
