Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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