It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
