I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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