my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
not ubering you a puppy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
