She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
