His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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