I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
