you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
