I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
