I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
