Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
