I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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