Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
