I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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