Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.