After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.