Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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