at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
