Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool

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(717): i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool http://tfl.nu/o66k

Replies (2) Good night (905) Bad night (947)
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(772): View more from Florida

i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"

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(772): i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?" http://tfl.nu/6u9j

Replies (20) Good night (1028) Bad night (3882)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg

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(630): I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg http://tfl.nu/sw6a

Replies (15) Good night (1510) Bad night (4197)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...

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(908): Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty... http://tfl.nu/7ob9

Replies (13) Good night (2837) Bad night (1330)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?

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(304): 1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex? http://tfl.nu/mw5g

Replies (7) Good night (3034) Bad night (1017)
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(256): View more from Alabama

I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.

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(256): I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self. http://tfl.nu/pw1v

Replies (5) Good night (4841) Bad night (1085)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.

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(506): Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes. http://tfl.nu/7d2r

Replies (2) Good night (1940) Bad night (694)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.

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(443): Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies. http://tfl.nu/w2xc

Replies (5) Good night (958) Bad night (626)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.

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(+44): mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string. http://tfl.nu/2xqf

Replies (15) Good night (611) Bad night (1881)
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(305): View more from Florida

So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates

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(305): So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates http://tfl.nu/kad8

Replies (11) Good night (497) Bad night (1804)
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(716): View more from New York

I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed

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(716): I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed http://tfl.nu/55n0

Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (483)
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(408): View more from California

I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?

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(408): I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win? http://tfl.nu/gfqe

Replies (12) Good night (833) Bad night (406)
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(850): View more from Florida

We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go

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(850): We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go http://tfl.nu/28iq

Replies (4) Good night (494) Bad night (330)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts

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(205): I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts http://tfl.nu/716i

Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (358)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again

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(201): Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again http://tfl.nu/vf35

Replies (5) Good night (556) Bad night (1044)

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