shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday