Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?

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(510): View more from California

I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"

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(519): View more from Ontario

sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(778): View more from British Columbia

I woke up with glitter in my wounds.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude

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(425): View more from Washington

Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.

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