I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
