My cat gives me a boner
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
