dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
