Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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