i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
