its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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