i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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