my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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