did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
