We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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