his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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