I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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