She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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