I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she told me i tasted like america
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
