I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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